Michelle Markowitz

Just one sliiiiight issue.  For the big reveal of himself as swoony penpal - could he maybe perhaps have I dunno, not worn something quite so suburban dad-like?  Why are there so many shades of taupe going on?  Whatever could have he worn?  Hmm, let me think.... Oh, I guess off the top of my head - The Dream Outfit.      

Which has affected me in several ways.

1.  I did not realize until well into my early (mid) (ok. late) 20's that dudes do not like to have long emotional talks for hours on end.  I thought everyone thought it was fun!

2.  Most young men born in the latter part of the 20th century do not consider a Broadway musical as the greatest night ever.  Rather, they would almost prefer to do #1 than see people expressing themselves through simultaneous song and dance (this blows my mind).

Which brings me to #3.  I am no expert at brother-sister relationships, but does this strike any of ya'll as the least bit inapprops?  It feels as if Carol Burnett and Bernadette Peters are competing for Tim Curry's attention in a highly sexualized way.  Again, I'm no expert, but eeeeeeee, this doesn't feel right.

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In other news, do any of you girls remember in oh, the fourth grade when they would split up the boys and girls to talk to us about changes in errr, our bodies and stuff.  (i am totally comfortable discussing this.)  They showed all the girls this movie starring the girl who played Annie in the movie version, along with some of her orphan cohorts, as well as other girls from the Broadway Annie.  In this movie all the girls sat around talking about their periods - the first time they got it, embarrassing stories, going through puberty, the works.  This was shocking.  It would be a good 15 years before every brunch would be spent in a similar manner as this (but without talking about weird body stuff, but rather talking about well, art and politics and life.  and i guess the dudes.  sometimes.). 

In other news, I may be getting older but I did NOT remember Albert Finney being so smoking hot!  Top musical bald performance!  Yul Brynner, I'm looking at you as well.

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Must bring it younger!  New object d'cougar in town!  See ya Shia Lebeouf!  Sidney Crosby for the win!

I really shouldn't even be looking at this photo.  He was born in 1987.  I remember 1987.  My sister was born then.  I had been watching Dynasty for years at that point.  This just feels wrong.

 I had always chalked up my lack of outdoor athleticism and general fear of anything in which I am depending on snow and ice to support me as a Jewish thing growing up in the Midwest.  But now that I live in NY, it turns out, fine, a lot of Jewish people can actually ski and iceskate and rollerblade and do all sorts of things other than watch Woody Allen movies and complain about the heat.   I recently saw an old Curb Your Enthusiasm where Larry David went skiing with an Orthodox woman, so I guess its just me then.

This is what I look like skiing though:

Nef, Tina, and I are going out tonight after work.  This was sort of last minute and a result we are semi-business casual'ing it all the way to Brooklyn tonight.  We are bemoaning how we always have the best of intentions on Monday morning for being stylish and making an effort for work every day, rather than looking tired and drawn (but comfortable!) and then doing mad dashes to change after work for whatever we are doing that night.  This all falls to the wayside come Tuesday mornings.

As I believe I've mentioned certain parties request that I wear a bit more color.  Today happens to be another black-heavy day, though I am wearing this necklace for a pop of color.  I was in the midst of googling very important things when Nefeli interrupts me:

nefeli:  Thank God you are at least wearing that necklace.  You look like an Italian widow.

michelle:  Thanks dude.

nefeli:  Actually I think it looks sort of vintagey.  I should be nicer.  I like it.

michelle:  Really???  Because I actually had an inspiration this morning as I was getting dressed!

nefeli:  (CACKLING)

michelle:  Fine.  We have a similar neckline and our necklaces are the same length.

nefeli:  The similarities end right there.  She is wearing red, makeup, heels, hair piled high.  You're wearing all black, hair down...

michelle:  Alright, thanks.  I thought a semi decent day at Old Navy would yield a slightly different reaction, but that's fine.  I'm just gonna get back to googling back scratchers now.

***  Our other co-worker who sits right next to Nefeli has a daily habit of using this long back scratcher he pulls out from his desk with a miniature hand attached.  Nefeli and I are grossed out/mesmorized.  I have a fantasy of purchasing the exact same one so I can do it in tandem with him resulting in hilarity or the people I sit by being weirded out.  Either way.

my coworker just came up to me carrying a small tiffany's bag.

"this is for you."

i knew it wasn't.  it couldn't be.  most of our interactions consist of me asking him about his weekend plans, build-a-bear workshops, and what he ate the night before.  still, for but a moment my heart leaped into my throat - the bag was so robin's egg blue.  perhaps everyone chipped in for something small?  maybe this would be the best thing to happen to me at work since someone brought in pigs in a blanket that one time.

it was of course completely empty.  thanks guy.
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That reminded me of a friend of mine a few years ago who had just started to date a girl right before Valentine's Day.  Not sure how to acknowledge it he came up with the plan of giving each other Idea Presents.

According to him, they should exchange presents with a limit of $500, but without actually spending money.  I never quite got why there was a limit on it since no actual money was being exchanged, but it was his idea, and somehow his ladyfriend agreed to it.

On Valentine's Day she gave him a photo of new bedding and pillows (practical? check) but also a photo of a weekend trip to Las Vegas!!!  He was like, "Oh, cool. I NEED new pillows.  Thank you!" but of course he still had to buy pillows for himself at some point to actually seal the deal.

For her he went to down to Tiffany's and somehow got them to give him a Tiffany's box tied with that white ribbon.  She opened it up, heart in her throat (I'm assuming every girl has the same reaction) and inside was a photo downloaded from the internet of a diamond necklace.  "I couldn't help myself and just had to go over our designated budget."

Also, they have been together for years and are now getting married.

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One time at my old job in entertainment in LA my Ladyboss and I were alone in the office the morning after Valentine's Day.  We had both received flowers the day before at work, and were sharing a rare moment of bonding as being the only girls in the office.  She asked me how my night was and I told her a bit about it, and asked about her night.  I remember thinking, wow.  we are finally bonding sort of.  thank god i happen to have a boyfriend now as we can kind of relate to each other and are speaking of something other than workout routines.

I just finished telling her about the earrings and books I got when she leaned in, "Actually, *** got me lingerie."  "Oh, wow.  Cool."  "The only problem is, part of it, sort of, RIPPED."  "Oh." (TMI TMI TMI.  What I wouldn't give to be talking about pilates and macrobiotic diets right now.)  "So, I was wondering, would you mind dropping it off at the tailor's on your lunch break?"  "Dropping off the....lingerie?"  (The clothes you just did the business in just a few short hours ago?)  "Yes, let me grab it and give it to you."  She pulled it out of her bag.  I believe I looked exactly like this:

"On second thought I can just drop it off myself."

"Ohhhhhkay.  I'm just gonna send an email out now. So.... Ok."