However, even though I am like the Gary Vaynerchuk of dating (well liked by large quantities of people across all spectrums) for some reason people seem to like to hear more about I guess, certain missteps I may have taken at times. So fine - the New Year is a time of reflection and so in honor of it and starting my thirties I am (begrudgingly) retiring the following moves and promise never to do them again.  Also the following moves have never actually worked ever in any situation.

-  If I am ever on a sushi date, and asked if I would like miso soup as well, it is never appropriate to reply "Of course!  Miso horny!"  (Ed note:  You don't have to email me Mom.  It is based on an early 90's song by 2 Live Crew).  Also I will never at any point ever again use the phrase "sake it to me baby."

-  If it is a first date and I do the fake reach when the check comes and he tells me no, he's got it, I will never again say "Thank you, but I insist on paying!  Do you know if they take Diner's Club here?  They don't?  That's an outrage!  Well, thank you for dinner then."  This one should have been retired long ago.  It is taking a nice moment and making it awkward and then having to explain a type of credit card that was popular 40-50 years ago. 

-  When someone is walking me home, I promise to never again stop in front of a car parked on my street and point to it saying "Well, this is where I live.  Thanks for walking me back.  I'd offer for you to come in, but it's kind of tight quarters."  Apparently in the beginning stages of someone liking you, women are supposed to retain a sense of mystery and it is best not to paint a picture of yourself as a transient hobo drifter.  

- If someone tells me they live on the Upper East or Upper West Side I will never reply "Ah, I'm in the East Village.  Guess we have kind of a situation where you're like the Christie Brinkley to my Billy Joel."  Once again, though I find it odd that someone doesn't immediately recognize it as an "Uptown Girl" reference, it is also best to not compare oneself to a (legendary) sixty year old male recording artist with a proclivity towards depression and young girls.

-  In the future I will wait until someone says "I love you" before telling them about how I used to dress up for school projects as Anne Frank and Harriett Tubman. Just trust me on this one.

- If someone asks me to get a drink and I feel like going home, I promise to never again use the line "Ah, I'd love to, but I have this yoga class I really love at 10am."  No one believes I religiously attend yoga classes.  It comes off like Tommy Boy asking where the weight room is.  

-  If I'm at a party or event where someone who is very minorly famous is as well, I will not do my signature move of completely ignoring him, while deeply hoping he will start talking to me, since he first noticed and then was intrigued by my commitment of holding all conversations near the food table.  Then when he doesn't start talking to me I will not proceed to alternate between ignoring him and giving him accidental crazy eyes.  When we finally do speak I will not take on an overly familiar tone with him since I feel like I already know him and then quote his most famous lines back to him.  Instead I will... Stand someplace else besides the food table.  That's probably a good first step.

We are thirteen days in so far and I have stuck to all these goals and will for the coming year.  Unless one of you is a monogamous Michael Fassbender/Ryan Gosling type and are into all of the above, in which case, let me know!